


Virgil and Roman

by orphan_account



Category: Drake & Josh, Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Familial DLAMP, M/M, Screaming, a lot of it on virgil's part, brotherly prinxiety - Freeform, honestly kind of wierd, roman does not know boundaries
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-03-20 01:08:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18982096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Hey dad,” Virgil smiled at him before turning to Patton. “Mr. Nichols.”“WHAT HAPPENED,” Roman burst through the kitchen door with a mop. “I HEARD SCREAMING?”Patton laughed. “It’s alright, Ro, nothing to mop here!”aka a fever dream of mine





	1. Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> again, a total fever dream
> 
> virgil takes the place of drake, roman takes the place of josh
> 
> if you couldn't tell, it's based off of drake and josh

V: My name is Virgil Parker

R: I’m Roman Nichols!

V: I should probably be doing homework.

R: I’m just here doing my homework!

V: But it’s a lot more fun playing my guitar.

R&V: Man I’m thirsty

V: I live here with my dad and my little brother, Ethan

R: I got a great family even though it’s just me and my dad.

I love that guy!

V: I love guys. 

So my dad has been dating this dude.

R: So, my dad’s been dating this man.

He’s pretty great.

V: He’s okay, a little too excited for my taste, but he has this kid that goes to my school.

R: He has a son that goes to my school.

Virgil

V: Roman

It’s not that I have anything against Roman.

R: I don’t know Virgil all that well.

V&R: But he seems kind of

R: Okay!

V: Unusual.

Virgil slammed the door and let his backpack thump to the floor. 

“Ugh.” Virgil groaned. His dad, Logan, was making out with his new boyfriend, Patton, on the couch, and honestly, he was sick of it. That was all they were doing all week and it’s kind of disgusting. “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.” Screaming was the only thing he could do to get them apart.

Patton let out a small yelp and crashed to the floor.

“Hey dad,” Virgil smiled at him before turning to Patton with narrowed eyes. “Mr. Nichols.”

“WHAT HAPPENED,” Roman burst through the kitchen door with a mop. “I HEARD SCREAMING?”

Patton laughed. “It’s alright, Ro, nothing to mop here!”

“R-roman, what are you doing here, what’s he doing here?” Virgil worried. Roman was just bouncing on his heels and smiling, practically vibrating in his place.

“Tell him!” Roman grinned.

“Wait, uh, Virgil, get your brother.” Logan encouraged.

“ETHAN!” Virgil yelled and his brother scuttered in from upstairs.

“Are they done sucking face?” Ethan rolled his eyes before plopping down on the couch.

“So, Roman’s dad and I have been going out for a while and we have some news!” 

“Are you getting me a car?” Virgil nervously smiled. He could tell this was not going to end well.

“No.” Logan frowned. “Why on earth would we get you a car?” 

Virgil just shrugged. “Wishful thinking?”

“No, we’re getting married!” Patton squealed and latched onto Logan’s arm.

“What?” Virgil almost gagged. “M-m-married?”

“Yup, we’re going to be one, big old happy family!” What the fuck?

“Wait, so that means,” Virgil turned to Patton, horror evident in his eyes. “You’re gonna be my stepdad?” He giggled and nodded. “And you,” He turned to Roman. “You’re gonna be my… he’s gonna be my-”

“HUG ME, BROTHER!!” Roman yelled and lifted Virgil up in the air.

Of course, Virgil started screaming.


	2. Miss Nancy

“Virgil?” Logan knocked on his door before walking in. “Roman is downstairs.”

“Oh really?” Virgil rolled his eyes before continuing to pluck out chords on his guitar. “I was just writing a song about him. It’s called ‘I’m not sharing my room with Josh’. Do you think it’s catchy?” He grinned at his dad.

“Virge, I know this is a big change, but you’ve got to give it a chance.” Logan walked over to his desk. “Promise me you’ll be nice to him?”

“But dad, he’s weird and clammy!” He whined.

“Hey, Virgil!” Ugh, speak of the devil and he shall appear in your doorway.

“He’s here.” Virgil glared at his dad.

“I brought you some licorice, the red kind, I know that some people like the black kind,” Virgil started walking over to him. “ but I decided to play it saf-”

Virgil slammed his door before turning to Logan. “Dad, don’t do this to me,” He pleaded. “I’ll literally do anything!” Logan just sighed and ran over to open the door.

“I should have gotten the black kind.” Roman whispered dejectedly.

“Have a good time, boys.” Logan walked out before mouthing to Virgil ‘don’t be a bitch’.

“Woah,” Roman looked around in wonder. “Cool room!” He gasped and ran over the ladder leading up to Virgil’s bed. “Look at this bed!” 

“Wait, no-” Too late. Roman had already belly-flopped on it. Jesus, this guy was a child.

“Dude, these sheets match my pajamas!” Roman sat up. “So, where are you going to sleep?”

“There!” Virgil waved his arms around sporadically. “I sleep there! You sleep on the couch!” He pointed across the room to the old leather cushions.

“The couch?” Roman frowned. “I don’t know, I have lumbar problems.”

Virgil just rolled his eyes before turning his attention to all of Roman’s stuff. “Jesus, how much shit did you bring?” He picked up the flimsy piece of paper and snorted. “Who even reads the school newspaper?”

“I do!” Roman almost looked offended. “It’s good!”

“It’s stupid.” Virgil laughed. “Ooh, look. A poem written by Janitor Sanders. ‘The toilet; Don’t soil it.’ How can you read this?”

“It’s clever!”

“Right,” Virgil rolled his eyes before flipping to the other page. “Oh, and here’s the worst: Miss Nancy’s advice column. What a load.”

Roman snatched the paper away before pouting. “A load of good! I think Miss Nancy gives great advice!”

“Whatever, man.” Virgil scoffed before grabbing his basketball off of his shelf. “I’m gonna go shoot some hoops.”

“Uh, Virgil?” Roman looked nervously over at him. “When will you be back?”

“I don’t know? A few hours, maybe?” Why did he care?

“Good!” Roman smiled before stammering again. “I, uh, mean, have fun with the hoops and what not!”

Virgil just grabbed his shoes and ran downstairs. Ugh, they were on the couch again.

“Now it’s my turn to kiss you!” Patton giggled and pressed his lips against Logan’s.

“Now it’s my turn to kiss you.” Logan leaned in and kissed his forehead.

“Now it’s my turn to vomit.” Virgil whacked their heads with a cushion as he walked by.

“Don’t you have something to do?” Logan raised an eyebrow at him after rubbing the back of his head.

“Yeah, I’m gonna go play some ball?” What was he getting at?

“Well, did you ask your brother if he wanted to play?”

“Dad, I don’t think Roman is really the basketball type.”

“Oh, sure he does!” Patton laughed brightly. “I taught him myself!”

“There! Now go ask him if he wants to play!” Logan sent him a pointed look. 

Virgil groaned before dragging himself back up the stairs. “Hey, Roman, do you want to play some basketba…” He trailed off.

“I can explain! I can explain!” Roman quickly waved his hands.

“Dad, Roman is dressed like a frea-” Virgil yelled before Roman cut him off.

“I can explain!” Roman shouted.

“Why are you dressed like Queen Latifah?” Virgil asked. What the fuck? He was wearing a bright floral dress and a brown wig. What the actual fuck?

“Because…” Roman trailed off before crying out again. “Oh, I can’t tell you!”

“Dad! Roman is dressed lik-” Virgil started again but was cut off again by Roman putting his hand over his mouth. Virgil reeled back and bit down.

“Ow! What the fuck?” Roman exclaimed.

“That’s what I’m saying!” Virgil cried out.

“Okay, alright!” Roman huffed. “I’ll tell you, but you’ve gotta swear you won’t tell anyone.”

“Fine, I swear.” Virgil fell back on the couch. “Now talk.”

“Alright, uh,” Roman nervously laughed before mumbling something.

“What?” Virgil narrowed his eyes.

“I’m Miss Nancy, okay?” Roman whisper shouted.

Virgil threw his head back, cackling. “Wait, you mean from the advice column? The school newspaper? You’re Miss Nancy?”

“Yeah.” Roman mumbled.

That started up another round of cackling on Virgil’s part and Roman threw a pillow at him.

“Quit laughing!” Roman snapped. “Being Miss Nancy is very important to me! I help people with their problems!”

“You can’t help people while wearing pants?” God, Virgil’s sides hurt from laughing so much.

“You don’t understand, I need the dress! I-i can’t write good advice without it.” Roman cried.

“You want some good advice? Stop dressin’ like a lady.” Virgil snorted before walking over to Roman’s pile of letters.

“If dressin’ like a lady helps me help others, then dress like a lady I shall!” Roman struck a dramatic pose.

Virgil barked out another laugh before opening up a letter. “Dear Miss Nancy,”

“Hey, that-” Roman ran for it. “Give me that!”

He jumped out of the way before continuing. “My boyfriend doesn’t understand me. He’s never romantic!” Another mad dash for the letter, but Virgil held it above his head and kept reading. “I wish he would just bring me flowers, or write me poems, or cook me romantic dinners!”

“You bitch! That’s for Miss Nancy’s eyes only!” Roman jumped for it.

“Considering you’re a 15-year-old boy, this is your fault too.” Virgil laughed then stopped. “Wait, the red ink? The cursive writing?” He smirked over at Roman who just flipped him off. “This is Michael Burke who’s writing.” He smelled the paper and nodded. “Yeah, that’s his shampoo. I had to borrow it after gym.”

“Quit sniffin’ my mail!” Roman snatched the paper away.

“Dude, Michael Burke is like the hottest guy in school!” Virgil smirked. “And he’s unhappy with his boyfriend.”

“What are you thinking?” Roman narrowed his eyes at him. “What are you thinking?!”

“Poor Michael,” He sighed. “So sad. So lonely. Sooooo hot.” He jumped off the couch. “Yeah, I think I can help him.”

“No no no no no, you are not going to use my letters for your own selfish desires!” Roman waved his arms around frantically.

“Fine, then I’ll just tell the entire world that my new step-brother Roman Nichols is our very own Miss Nancy!”

“You’re not that evil!”

Virgil just smiled, walking over to the window and opening it. “People of the world,” He yelled out. “Roman Nichols is Mis- Ow! My spine! Why the fuck would you close the window on my back?”

“You can’t tell anyone that I’m Miss Nancy! You’ll ruin everything!”

“Then you can’t stop me from ‘helping’ Michael!” Virgil hissed.

“Fine!”

“Fine!” He was about to slam the door but looked back at him, pointing to his chest. “Are those real?”

“Stop that!”


	3. Virgil is a dirty liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil lies and gets away with it, much to Roman's dismay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck yeah, i'm back.

“Beauty,” Virgil leaned up against the locker adjacent from another boy. “Beauty, rhymes with, snooty?” He snorted and shook his head. “No. Fruity! No.”

“What are you doing?” Michael raised an eyebrow at him.

“Nothing, just writing a poem.” He just grinned.

“You write poetry?”

“Yeah, it’s stupid, I know.” Virgil leaned further into the locker and sighed.

“Nah, I don’t think that’s stupid,” Michael softly smiled at him. “What class is it for?”

“Oh, no, it’s not for class. It’s for someone.”

“Oh.” Michael frowned a little.

“Well, if I had a someone to write for.” Virgil sighed.

His face lit up again. “Well, that’s still pretty sweet!”

“Yeah, well,” Virgil pointed over his shoulder. “I gotta go.”

“Class doesn’t start for another ten minutes.”

“I have to go find some recipes for tonight.”

“A recipe? You cook?” Michael snorted. “No offense, you don’t look the type.”

“Yeah, that’s what most people think,” Virgil huffed. “People like to assume.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be-” Michael stammered but Virgil cut him off.

“It’s fine, really,” He smirked and leaned in closer. “However, you can make it up to me, if you want.”

“What are you suggesting?”

“Are you free on Friday, after school?” After a small nod from the other boy, he continued. “Would you maybe like to come over? I could make you dinner, if you’d like.”

Michael softly smiled. “I think I’d like that.”

“So it’s a date?”

“It’s a date.” As soon as Michael walked away, Roman walked over to Virgil.

“That was too easy.” Virgil smirked at him.

“Evil!” Roman hissed. “You’re fucking evil!”


End file.
